Stepping off the plane, the heat wrapped around us like an especially dry, toasted blanket. I'm pretty sure our taxi driver was in a Smashmouth cover band, given his frosted tips, cargo shorts and general Guy Fieri shtick.
We got to our hotel at 5.30 and had to grab food and get to a variety show by 7pm..after running down the strip in the desert heat and wolfing down a burger in a place called Cheeseburgers (or something) we wondered why the hell we had booked a show hours after we were to arrive into Vegas. Well, turns out we had actually booked the show for two nights later, but having rushed this far we upgraded to go into:
V The Ultimate Variety Show
I've never been a fan of variety shows and this did not win me (or herself) over. Maybe some people are into seeing a few dozen rejects from America's Got Talent perform for 5 minutes, bookended by some magican making dad jokes.. Suffice to say we left before intermission and got ourselves some novelty drinks, to take advantage of the Nevada alcohol laws, which seem even more lax compared to 'No Fun' Vancouver.
Wandering along we took in the sights; big hotels with big lights and advertisements, middle aged to elderly people acting like it's RAG/RACE/SPRING BREAK, and a half dozen people dressed as Minions from Despicable Me spread out across the strip.
What with the heat and the impact of our 'Bones of Alcohol' (I had blueberry lemonade and vodka, I believe) we were drawn to the fountains at the Bellagio.
Into the Bellagio we went, where herself soon went from having no idea what she was at to making a small profit on each Roulette table.
A combination of the smoke from cigarettes, which you are allowed to smoke indoors in Vegas, tiredness and, yes probably the effects of the bones of alcohol, left us pretty wiped out so we retired relatively early to get some sleep before our 5am start the next day.
Day 2 - The Grand Canyon - Not just a big hole in the ground
Groggily dragging ourselves to the back of the bus, we took some solace in that we had the back section to ourselves and could get some sleep on the 6 hour drive to the Grand Canyon. Then Taylor Swift's I Knew You Were Trouble started playing and 3 morbidly obese Southern American women waddled towards the back. These female Foghorn Leghorns chattered with voices born of cigarettes, diabetes and inbuilt racism. A long journey now stretched ahead into infinity..
In an amazing stroke of luck, the ladies were due to travel on a different tour bus and after a quick and utterly unsatisfying 'continental' breakfast of some kind of pastry thing, we never saw them again.
The Hoover Dam
Our friendly tour guide soon began to grate on everyone's nerve with his family friendly jokes and constant narration on the endlessly repetitive landscape of Nevada/Arizona. Unsurprisingly everyone on the bus jumped at the chance to
Have you ever traveled from Vegas to the Grand Canyon? It takes a really, really long time.. And I was the one who was pushing to go, so I felt bad for herself.. Luckily another stop in Backarse, Arizona was only 2 hours drive away!
If I'm honest, it all started to blur at this point, I think we also stopped at this train station place.
And then finally, we were there.. Was it worth it? I'd say yes.
The Grand Canyon
So after 6 hours, 2 documentaries and a lifetime of bad jokes, we got there, hung around for about 3 hours and drank it all in before we had to head back. At first it feels like you are looking at a photo, it's hard to take in. Walking around the edge is an amazing experience and once your brain can take it all in you do get a sense of peace and that weird feeling of being a tiny speck. We didn't cry though.
The trip back was uneventful, besides the scramble for food as 200 people descended on one garage shop and one takeaway burger place. Back in Vegas we found a cool pedestrian street, with one of the coolest venues I've ever seen. By day it's a bowling alley, by night it's a venue.
Someone we summoned the strength to go gambling after dinner and actually made some modest winnings.
Day 3 - Las Vegas - Casinos are sad in the daytime, free drinks make the hours fly by, bigger = better in America
After a sleep in until the shockingly late hour of 10am, we head across to Serendipity 3 to buy some ridulously oversized brunches that we cannot finish and bet boxed up for later. I get the hangover omelette, which includes an ommelette wrapped around chips, bacon, cheese and mushrooms.
Suitably stuffed, we headed on to Sigfried and Roy's animal habitat in the Mirage, to look at the dolphins, big cats, and to slowly bake in the midday sun.
After her first taste of defeat, herself needed some drinks, so we retreated to the Bellagio where we took in the sights and a drink or two. I even made a small, tiny profit along with some free drinks.
Then came the Luck o' The Irish Gambling Night in O'Shea's, where after some drinks and quality Irish shoutin' and dancin' in the bar with some tourists, we found a friendly roulette table, and herself sat down with $100 and proceeded to play for 3 hours, as we drank our way through an unspecified number of beers, screwdrivers and any other drink that took our fancy. She eventually came out with a $60 profit, which made the trip to the airport the next day slightly more bearable.
