This is Honey Boo Boo. This is the end, my friends.

"Dear world,

We win at trash TV.

Sincerely,

'Merica"

Hockey, eh?

 This is a real photo and a genuine concern!

I haven't posted here for a while. This is for a number of interesting reasons including but not limited to work demands, having the sniffles and my laptop getting a right b*****d of a virus. Vancouver (in particular the East side where I work) is a particularly bleak place in October and November, when the sun has been replaced by a persistent rain that refuses to make the transformation into snow.

With this in mind myself, herself and a friend from home decided to check out the national sport favourite sport of all Canadians, ice hockey! ***please note, many of the terms, concepts and basic ideas of the sport are mind bottling, so I will explain as best I can with lots of 'pretty much', 'more or less' and 'or something like that'. Also, I'm told Lacrosse is the national sport of Canada.

While the NHL is currently on LOCK OUT (translation: on strike,  more or less) the WHL is still in full swing. The Vancouver Giants are (not exactly but pretty much) a feeder team for the NHL and in particular the Vancouver Canucks. This means tickets are less than 1/3 of the $100 or so price, the stadium is smaller so you can see better, the gameplay isn't quite as fast so noobs can pick it up a bit more and the spectators aren't all drunken/angry/fired up Canadian men.

The Pacific Colliseum. Again, this is a real photo, we were actually here..

The entire experience was all we expected and more. More baffling, at least. Once inside the stadium doors, we were greeted not by denim-clad, mulleted men drinking tiny beers, but by members and parents of a local kids hockey team who were fundraising. Nearby a brass band played Christmas songs beside stalls where you could buy burgers, hot dogs et al, and tiny beers (for $7.50.) By the time we got to our seats (with huge portions of food and a tiny beer) the PA system was blaring rock songs, the announcer excitedly being excited and because of the new experience, we were quite pumped up and ready to roar on our beloved Vancouver Giants.

The other team (and the rest of the 8,997 people did show up

What happened over the next 2-3 hours was exciting, confusing, funny, head-wrecking, blood-pumping and other such diverse words. I'm going to bullet point some aspects of hockey that stuck out.

• The speed and grace of the skating, which is in stark contrast to the violent hits that often rattle the glass around the rink.
• It is very exciting when seen from up close and I could definitely get into watching it as a sport.
• Unfortunately the actual minutes per night of hockey compared to the minutes of 'entertainment', stoppages, 'half' time and commercial breaks (yes, commercial breaks when gameplay is stopped mid flow, seemingly every 3 minutes or so) are enough to drive a man to another tiny beer.
• The music is played by an in-stadium DJ at every stoppage. EVERY STOPPAGE. Often the song is still playing while the game re-commences. 
• On the plus side it does allow for some fun, eg playing "What is Love? Baby don't hurt me.." directly after a fight.
• Kids have no shame and will gladly dance like Beyonce during a song, then bay for blood during a fight.
• Watching players come on and off the bench at speed is almost as entertaining as the game itself at times. I'm guessing if there's too many players on the ice it means a penalty and that leads to some scrambling.
• All players it seems are allowed control the puck with their hands, or at least pluck the puck from the air and throw it quickly to the ice.

The game was divided into three periods, in between each was entertainment including human bowling, a jeep equipped with a t-shirt firing canon, dancers (not cheerleaders, this was a very important distinction it seems) and the best craic of the night, a mini exhibition game by the local kids team. This was the most I've laughed and/or cheered at any event for a long time. Imagine 12 drunken midgets who were blindfolded and given hurleys, on Dancing on Ice, skating to the theme of 'You've Been Framed' and you're halfway there.

We were lucky enough to see both Sudden Death and a Shootout as the game was a Tie. In the end the Giants triumphed in a low scoring shootout and the 9,000 or so crowd cheered a little bit and went home. In terms of atmosphere it's no SoccerBall. But having said that, I think we'll be back.

Rainy season is here